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I live in a community of maybe less then 5% lesbian if even that much. It is deep in the south. I have tried online dating and it has failed severly. I am 42 with a career but still going to school. becuse of the lack of gay lifestyle here. I do not come out as much and the lack of community projects. Straight up, there is not much lifr in this Southern town. I cannot sfford to move or basically have no where else to go. As I have stated, I did try the online dating and it out me in state of depression. I had found some one but got hurt really bad and because of distance it really crashed. I have become a part of life that has been dragging me down for years here where I reside. I do not do drugs or drink and I love life and enjoy most things but living a lone has taken a toll. It is hard to meet anyone espeacially other lesbians to have a chance to relate. I cannot live like this much longer in solitude and depression and now more than ever taking my own life has become a daily thought. I have been this way for ten years in solitude and many times have thought about taking my life. I am dead here and I think why bother, just end it. I am a loving person and would do anything for others. I do not try to jump into one relationship into another because I am looking for someone for the right reasons but I seem to have very little hope in finding the life I need. I cry daily and wish to never wake up feeling this lost. I don’t know what to do anymore. It is so hard to deal with the lost and pain. Me being lost and the pain of being a lone so much. If taking my life take it away finally then I will not have to feel so lost. I don’t know.